that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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