I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
