Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
