I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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