so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
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I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
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If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.