he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.