You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n