I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?