Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.