My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
