As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
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Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
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No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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