im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
