There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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