he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
