Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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