soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
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My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
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I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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