Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
