I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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