batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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