You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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