And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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