Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
