btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
