I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
