Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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