Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
