my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
