I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
