She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
