bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
