No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.