I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.