I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.