Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
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I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
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She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.