yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
