My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit