If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?