You made me cry and you don't even care
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We're too hungover to prance.