would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
