my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I cockslap morals
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
