I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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