Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
