Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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