quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
