Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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