You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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