wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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