i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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