Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
