as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You made out with two different species that night
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
