I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
