my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
True strength comes from lack of pants
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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