pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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