You smell like stripper and shame
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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