OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
