just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
