I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
