My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
