i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
