Little spoons don't ask big questions
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
