I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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