ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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