Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
