just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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