actually, I'm a sock model
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
