I think scott just propositioned me for sex
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
