Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
