so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize