I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
