The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I believe in your delicious
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.