And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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