any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
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Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
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Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.