Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
