that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.