tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.