Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.

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(214): Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public. http://tfl.nu/c7j6

Replies (3) Good night (659) Bad night (876)
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(512): View more from Texas

remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning

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(512): remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning http://tfl.nu/4vog

Replies (15) Good night (1415) Bad night (3739)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.

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(908): You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream. http://tfl.nu/u0h5

Replies (52) Good night (4765) Bad night (2946)
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(914): View more from New York

when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her

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(914): when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her http://tfl.nu/76rs

Replies (21) Good night (904) Bad night (3941)
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(805): View more from California

he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.

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(805): he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop. http://tfl.nu/2w6b

Replies (14) Good night (2978) Bad night (1135)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.

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(405): in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter. http://tfl.nu/55jx

Replies (4) Good night (3129) Bad night (1099)
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(801): View more from Utah

He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.

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(801): He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex. http://tfl.nu/rz6s

Replies (12) Good night (4319) Bad night (1014)
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(989): View more from Michigan

i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.

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(989): i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway. http://tfl.nu/zfm5

Replies (1) Good night (2646) Bad night (738)
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(312): View more from Illinois

I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.

(773): View more from Illinois

I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...

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(312): I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today. (773): I'm not sure which feat is more impressive... http://tfl.nu/ga4t

Replies (2) Good night (1597) Bad night (604)
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(507): View more from Minnesota

You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.

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(507): You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success. http://tfl.nu/320u

Replies (6) Good night (1627) Bad night (599)
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(308): View more from Nebraska

It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.

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(308): It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near. http://tfl.nu/2ey3

Replies (1) Good night (791) Bad night (373)
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(904): View more from Florida

All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you

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(904): All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you http://tfl.nu/8984

Replies (2) Good night (442) Bad night (995)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...

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(803): He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is... http://tfl.nu/usg6

Replies (3) Good night (627) Bad night (351)
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(386): View more from Florida

Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.

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(386): Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost. http://tfl.nu/901r

Replies (2) Good night (655) Bad night (346)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon

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(901): So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon http://tfl.nu/ipuq

Replies (2) Good night (144) Bad night (252)

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