I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's shark week go big or go home
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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