im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
