I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
