I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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